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As a child, I held on to many things. All of my many, many possessions and all of my many people. I held on the smallest and the biggest things. I held onto trivial things, important things, and the things that are trivial until they suddenly aren’t. I held onto mindless things. I held onto everything. I still do, will always do, perhaps. 

To name a few, I hold onto my family, my friends, I hold onto myself, my ego, my belief of self righteousness, of being correct, of perfection.

I hold onto my idea of a perfect future, a perfect weekend, a perfect summer, a perfect morning routine, a perfect Friday, a perfect career, a perfect meal, even a perfect laugh (No, you need to throw head back just a little, not too much, no, and you need to open your mouth wide with your perfect teeth because they need to be perfect too. Fun fact: I’ve got braces so let’s forget that part, maybe). 

Aside from these things that range from pretty big to pretty not-big-at-all, pretty small to pretty don’t-matter-at-all, I also hold onto the tiny, minuscule things.

The box of wax crayons (that’s my 12th birthday), to the special pens (I won’t use them because then the ink will run out, and how am I supposed to use them then). I hold on the nice notebooks (an author needs that), onto the nice books piling up on my shelf (I’ll read them when the time is right). I hold onto tv shows, to craft supplies, to DIY gifts, to the journal I never write on anymore (I’m sure I’ll ruin it).

I hold onto the pristine moments of life and the not so pristine one’s too, that will turn brighter and precious with time anyway. I hold onto time. To holidays. To air conditioned rooms because I won’t get them in the winters. To the sunlight, because who sits under the sun in summers. 

I hold on to everything. I hold onto anything. 

I hold onto even the things I know I need to let go of. That brings us to what many people in the world want to know—how to let go?

What Do You Need To Let Go Of?

Before trying to be free of the things that with you down, you must first find out what it is exactly, that you have to let go of. There’s a box on your shoulders and it can fit everything you put into it. But you can put only as much stuff into even an unlimited box as you can carry. If you just keep putting things in, it’s going to come down, unmovable. And then the only two options you have left are either stay with it rooted to one spot or move on without it. 

The only way to keep living, keep moving while still holding onto a part of yourself is to sift through the stuff you need to let go of. 

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.

It doesn’t mean erasing your memories or your past or your dreams. Letting go means taking it out of the box you’ve been burying it into and processing it. Letting go means looking at it and finding out how you can set yourself free while still keeping it in a way that doesn’t hurt. 

But before you do that, you’ve got to identify what even needs letting go of. 

Is it some bitter past that you’ve been avoiding and ruminating on at the same time? Is it something you regret? Is it something you wish you’d done but didn’t? Couldn’t? Is it someone you can’t forget and at the same time hope you never do? 

Is it something you’ve lost? Something you never had? Something you will always want? Is it a nightmare? A dream? 

Is it something that’s weighing you down? Then you need to let it go.

How To Let Go?

How do you even go about it? What does it even feel like? Letting go of things that are becoming too heavy to carry anymore. Letting go of things that would make you stuck in one place if you hold on to them any longer.

When I imagine carrying something that becomes heavier every passing second, I can only imagine carrying it as far as I can without getting buried under it. 

Imagine a box on your shoulders, filled with everything you won’t let out of it. You are constantly putting more things into it as you move forwards and come across the things that latch onto you. But as you put more things into it, you refuse to empty the old ones.

I know, it seems unfair. Because the old ones still matter, and will matter as long as you live. In an ideal world, the box on your shoulders is infinite and light as a feather. In an ideal world, you can fit the whole world into it as you stride forward, brimming with love and faith.

But we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world where the box grows heavier with every pretty trinket you put into it, every piece of old paper, every bit of heart.

And in this world, if you want to keep moving, you’ve got to acknowledge the weight. You have to acknowledge the things you’ve buried deep inside it to deal with later. You have to acknowledge and accept the fact that later doesn’t come. Later is today.

Keep Moving

The trick is to keep moving. Remind yourself, time and again, that the priority is to keep moving. 

It’s metaphorical, of course. No one’s asking you to physically keep moving all the time. No, that would be impossible.

Keep moving means to keep flowing, keep growing. Allow yourself to experience new things and change with them as you do so. There is no permanent state of being and you should allow yourself to accept that as you evolve with your surroundings. 

Time never stops. Don’t let yourself stop. Don’t be the stagnant pool of water collecting mud and dirt in an isolated spot. Not even for a moment, because when you’re still, a moment can stretch an eternity. Be the crystal clear river instead, always flowing until it reaches the infinite ocean. It you stop once, you’ll never find the will to start moving again.

Robert frost Life goes on

Life always goes on. The least you can do is keep trying to catch up. 

Symbolisation and Significance

There’s a very nice trick to mastering the art of letting go and making your brain accept and acknowledge things. Symbolise and identify. You see how in movies and books, there’s usually a particular event or an action that finally lets a character move on. 

It might be something very ordinary, for someone who doesn’t get the symbolism. It might be a letter burned, a toy given away, a ring 

Your brain attaches psychological significance to things and objects. When you understand that significance, you can make your brain understand too. 

Sometimes, it feels like you’ve let go of things- of the past, of some memories, of nightmares—when you’re just trying to avoid looking at them.

You close your eyes and pretend that the cat was never there. It doesn’t work like that. The cat is there and will remain there, waiting to pounce. It’s you who’s got to fly away before it does. 

Repression and suppression doesn’t work in the long run. It just accumulates inside of you, inside the box on your shoulder until it’s too heavy to lift anymore. Until the only two options are abandoning the whole box or getting squashed under it. 

Symbolising feelings and memories with objects that remind you of them helps to give those memories a form. It helps to make them tangible, touchable, understandable. When you can see them, you can also imagine a time when you can survive without having to do so. 

When there’s a piece of paper in your hands, or a worn out bracelet, or a broken toy, you can imagine a time when you don’t have to carry the burden of it anymore. You can set it free, and by doing so, you can set yourself free. 

We see it in the movies, we read about it in the books and it’s true. Even therapists and psychologists use this as a handy trick for healthy processing of one’s feelings and emotions by offering them physical existence. This makes them easier to deal with, easier to process. 

Accept the Transience of Life

When you let go of things, you feel at the same time, both light and empty. You feel as though a great weight has been lifted from you and at the same time, you also feel as if something’s missing. This is normal. This means that you are going toward the path of healing. 

You need to accept the fact that life is a river of ever flowing, ever changing moments. A moment is all you have, and then it’s memory is all you have. Keep that memory, enjoy that memory, remember that moment with the gentle fondness of time well lived. 

But do not let that memory solidify into a stone that only sinks down and drags you with it. Do not destroy it. 

Accept the transient nature of being. The natural state of existence is change. You will change and so will your surroundings. Accept this change, grow with it, never let your essence leak out of you, but never be a statue of unchanging atoms either. 

Grow, evolve, love. Let go.

Related Post: How to Find Your Purpose in Life?