Blog

You don’t need validation from anyone.

That’s what you wanted to hear, right?

Well, yeah, but there’s more to it. In this post, you’ll actually get to know how to stop needing validation from others.

Have you been one of those over-thinkers who feel like nothing is right until someone else says it is, and now you have finally realized that you need to learn how to stop needing validation?

Do you too, feel, the need for constant approval and agreement from other supposedly more influential or important individuals and groups just so it can boost your sense of self-worth and -recognition?

Do you feel the need for seeking validation from people constantly, on a very regular basis? Do you deem it so important that not getting enough validation makes you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable?

The list of these symptoms goes on and on.

One of most common and deeply craved desires of human beings is the desire to be liked. I mean, we all want to be liked, right, whatever we are doing.

To some extent, all of us are seeking validation from people, be it people we like and people who matter, or sometimes even people who don’t. I think I don’t need to be the one to establish that we have to stop needing validation from these external sources. You probably already know that by now.

Always depending on someone else for your own happiness and well-being—through seeking validation—is a tiresome job.

I, for one, felt like everyone had to always like me and I had to be on everyone’s good terms because I felt that was how I was supposed to be: likable and approachable. That’s how all of us sometimes feel too. (I hope I wasn’t alone.)

I’ve now realized that I’m never going to ever receive full, constant validation from anyone, and that someone somewhere will always find faults in things that might look perfect to me. They will definitely find faults in me. This has forced me at last to change.

I no longer am interested in seeking validation from anyone. Seriously, my phone wallpaper says that I don’t give a sh*t. That’s actually what I felt like when I was going through some tough days and had a positive self-talk.

This desire for validation finds its roots in the feeling of lack of self-esteem, where we feel that things will only go right if we are in everyone’s good books and if everyone “approves” of us.

So these are the 9 tips and affirmations that helped me stop and break free of this constant nagging feeling of craving validation and approval.

Affirm this: It’s time for me to stop needing validation. It’s time for me to stop seeking validation from people who don’t provide me with the constructive criticism that I need.

How to Stop Needing Validation?

#1 Stop Putting Yourself Down

No one holds any power over you.

You are inferior to no one and you shouldn’t feel this way either. You will stop needing validation, of any kind, the day you stop downgrading yourself or calling yourself out or downplaying your own talents and achievements.

You should realise that you’re trying your best and giving it your hundred. You don’t need to put yourself down. Stop undermining your own abilities, because it’s you who needs to draw the boundaries for others regarding yourself.

Affirmations

I am empowered, I am strong. I am perfectly capable to handle every situation myself and no one is going to come save the day for me except myself. 

#2 Make Your Own Decisions and Trust Yourself

We all are divine energies. Souls. I believe this.

We are capable of knowing, even if it’s on instincts, what is best for us. If we have made a decision, then we don’t need anyone else to tell us if it is right or wrong. 

We are capable of realising what situations might be benefitting for us, and what might not.

However, this doesn’t approve the dismissal of some well-wishers’ advice either. Sometimes it may happen that someone who’s in for our best might be giving us useful advice, and that must be advice worth listening to.

It’s just a matter of knowing whose validation you need, and whose you couldn’t care less about.

Affirmations

I make my own decisions. I stand by those decisions. Those decisions hand me everything I am: glory, happiness, success.

#3 Work Towards Improving Your Self-Esteem.

Self-esteem, as I said earlier, plays a great role in making a human self-sufficient and aware of their abilities. Self-esteem is your trust in yourself. And if we trust ourselves above everyone else, we wouldn’t feel the need for seeking validation from outside.

Your self-esteem is how well you believe you’ll handle adversities or any challenging circumstances that might be thrown your way.

So, to encourage ourselves to stop needing external validation, we will have to increase our self-esteem such that we are surer of ourselves than we want someone else to be.

Basically the only validation we need is internal. Our own validation.

Affirmations

The most important person who should be proud of me is I myself. I must make myself proud, seek my own approval and nothing else.

#4 Realize That You Will Never Receive Full Validation

You can now stop needing validation, because, by default you won’t ever receive it completely.

That’s half the problem solved.

If we just tell ourselves once and for all that we’re never going to receive constant external validation no matter how perfect we seem to be in our own eyes, then we’ll realise soon enough that it’s pretty useless to chase after that. Just like it’s pretty stupid to chase perfection when perfection actually doesn’t exist.

If you’re somehow struggling with the self-sabotaging need for being perfect, then here’s something for you: How to Forgive Yourself for Not Being Perfect.

You know what, I feel like a huge part of our desire for external validation stems from the huge importance that we’ve given to social media in our lives. Constantly sharing little bits and pics of daily lives, getting “likes,” which are, let’s admit it, a kind of toxic form of validation because the more we receive notifications for them, the happier we are, but an absence of them makes us wonder what went wrong.

We’re practically striving off strangers’ attention; sorry, that’s just the way I see it.

But there are many more reasons to quit social media, as I’d point out in this satire.

Affirmations.

I will never receive complete external validation. Good thing is, I don’t need it.

#5 Give Your Best in Everything You Do

You can stop needing validation by just making sure that whatever you do, you do it with your whole heart.

When you’re sure that you’ve given your hundred percent in whatever task you’ve done, then you’ll not feel the need for any external validation because you’re already aware that you’ve done the best you could, and now whatever anyone else thinks about your work or your project can’t get to you.

So long story short, just make sure to give your best in whatever you do.

Affirmations

I’ve done the best I can. No one has any right to call me out on this. I’ve given it my all, tried my hardest, I’m proud of myself, even if someone else might not be.

#6 Face Your Fears and Conquer Them

We frequently try seeking validation from others when we feel like they could somehow help us out from a particular circumstance which we think we are otherwise incapable of handling on our own. Fear is the root of this feeling.

If we just conquer this fear in our minds and strengthen our weaknesses, then we stop needing validation from anyone else because we are perfectly capable of being on our own.

What you gotta do is to conquer every single fear you have. The mountain is you. The mountain is your fear and that’s what’s holding you back from the life you dream of. You’ll stop seeking validation when you start seeking real, fearless growth.

Affirmations

I’m relentless. I’m courageous. Whenever I feel like needing validation, I remind myself that I’m capable to face my fears and conquer them. No one else needs to do it for me.

#7 Self-Care. Self-Care. Self-Care.

One of the easiest ways to stop seeking validation from others constantly and pitifully is to care for ourselves in a way we want a loved one to care for us.

We constantly ask for validation form those we love or feel a liking towards. You want to impress someone you like in your class, or your workplace, or your neighborhood. You might also want to impress someone who’s at a higher professional position than you, a teacher, a boss, a parent.

If instead of waiting for these people to care for us and not being satisfied until they do, we just practice mental as well as physical methods of self-care, then we might end up realising that ours is the only validation we actually ever need.

Affirmations to stop needing validation

I care for myself. I matter to myself. No matter if anyone else looks at me like that or not, when I look into the mirror, I see a strong, caring, lovable, really smart person. I love this person, and I hope he/she/they realise this.

#8 Make Nice Friends

Friends are the family you choose.

A lot of insecurity and the need for seeking validation in a human being finds its roots in the environment in which they grew up, the emotions they experienced as a child; their parents, peers, teachers, and relatives, all play a role in how the kid will turn out to be.

If your childhood environment, by some chance, didn’t provide you with the love and approval you needed, and instead made you doubt yourself and your actions, then it’s up to you now to choose friends who will make you feel secure.

It’s all about the company you surround yourself with. The kind of people you move with will either make you or break you.

Good, positive, encouraging friends will make sure you always feel safe and powerful, like you can achieve everything you’ve wanted and you don’t need to seek someone else’s approval.

Toxic friends, on the other hand, will make you feel insecure, unloved and a little lost.

If they constantly call you out on your mistakes without providing you with solutions to correct them, if they always point out the flaws and never appreciate you, if you feel like you are somehow bound to them and need to do everything that will align with their way of thinking, then probably you’re better off somewhere else entirely.

Affirmations to believe

I’ve got nice friends, loyal and trustworthy, who support me and try to bring out the best in me. My friends, family, partner have always made me feel secure and loved. I don’t need anyone else’s validation apart from theirs.

#9 Stop Comparing

Of course, most of the problems of seeking validation arise when we look at other people out there and wish we were more like them and less like whatever we are.

Just for heads up, this is untrue and unnecessary. Everyone’s unique.

The worst you can do to a human being is questioning their individuality by comparing them to someone else who’s gone through a whole different set of situations and lived a whole another life that doesn’t find any similarity to anyone else’s.

When we compare ourselves to other people, and find them better than us, we feel like we are somehow not good enough (even though the basis or standards of the comparison might be completely different).

And then it easily leads to a string of insecurity complexes where we start questioning every single thing we’ve ever done.

To eliminate this, the easiest option would be to lessen (and eventually stop) comparing ourselves with anyone else, with the knowledge that all human beings are different in what constitutes their mentalities and ideas and thoughts.

Affirmations to finally stop seeking validation

I’m unique. Everyone is unique, and to compare two human beings would be illogical and stupid and demotivating.

The Tough, Harsh Part

You’re going to die one day. I know, I don’t want to talk about this, really, I don’t, but it’s necessary. We’re going to touch up on this topic too.

One day, you’ll be dead. One day, all of us would be dead. One day, none of this would matter, not at all, what you did tonight, how you spent your weekend (whether with friends or alone), who talked to you on the first day of college, who thought of you as a comrade and who didn’t.

One day, it won’t matter who all liked you and who all didn’t.

All these little things in life that you’re worrying about won’t matter to you one day. All these people and their stupid, toxic traits and their petty little fancy problems.

It’s time for you to stop seeking validation. It’s time for you to live your life now.

Conclusion

If we want to learn how to stop needing validation, the first and foremost thing would, of course, be to trust in oneself with one’s all might and realise that whatever we are, we are loved and smart and perfectly capable in what we do.

Tell someone else about it, get help. Whatever you have to do to live the kind of beautiful and amazing life you know you deserve, do it, without seeking validation.

I can’t deny the fact that our constant need for validation stems from our deep-rooted desire to belong and to be accepted by others in our community or society, regardless of the cost it comes at. Even though seeking validation is a natural part of being human, relying particularly on external factors so that we can determine and limit our self-worth can have negative effects on our mental and emotional health.

By understanding what is happening and taking notice of when it is happening, we can cultivate a healthier sense of self-worth and embrace ourselves as human beings who are allowed to make mistakes and will probably do so often.

It is through self-validation and building healthy amounts of self-esteem that we can break free from the cycle of seeking approval from others and find a more genuine and fulfilling sense of happiness and confidence.

The necessary act here would be to find a balance between seeking validation from others and validating ourselves from within; in other words, it would be knowing when you need to listen to someone else’s constructively criticizing opinions and when you have to shut your ears to the world and listen only to yourself.

This balance that we all strive to achieve will ultimately lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life, that is what we need after all, one in which we will stop needing validation at our own expense.

I hope you find the courage to build your own path, and if you already have, to keep going on it relentlessly.

What next?

Subscribe to our email list to get regular updates of whenever we come back with a new, more informative post. Start with us on our journey of changing the world, by reading this blog series My Formula for Changing the World.